Definitions:
Confront To face or to lead
Affront To offend
True Caring To do what is in the best interest of another over our own self interest ("carefronting")
Manipulation To make the choice to place self-interest over the interest of others
Why don't we confront? Generally because we…
…are afraid of not being liked (fear)
…are afraid of offending others (fear)
…don't care enough to risk (don't care)
…deep down we may not care that the other person could fail (don't care)
In Reality...
1. The most caring thing we can do is face issues as they occur.
2. A leader is often the first person in a group willing to face issues and act on them in the interests of others.
3. If we don't face issues as they occur, they will continue to face us.
How to Carefront
Get counsel if possible: Rehearse a scenario with an appropriate person.
Act immediately, in private, and immediately when the issues occur.
Use a three-step process:
a. Describe the behavior as you have observed it.
b. Describe the feelings you have as a consequence of the behavior. (Remember to own your feelings ("It feels like"...not..."You did"...)
c. Clarify appropriate behavior and express belief in person's ability to behave accordingly.
How to receive Carefrontation
a. Listen carefully (Don't interrupt often).
b. Work hard at not being defensive or trying to win (Don't defend yourself and take it personally).
c. Ask clarifying questions (Don't confront back and point out the other person's problems).
d. Thank the individual for caring enough (Don't act angry and leave the room with a stern or hurt look).
Copyright © by Plumbline Management Corporation. All rights reserved. Revised July, 2010.