I was attending a lunch last week with members of a committee where I have had the privilege of serving for a number of years. In the midst of a conversation on leadership, one of the members said, “I am just not a leader. When I read articles on leadership I say to myself, ‘I could never be that.’”
For the purposes of recounting the conversation, I will refer to this person as Dianna.
Her contention was that because she sought to avoid conflict, she could not be a leader.
Dianna continued, “I have always worked to develop collaboration between people of differing opinions. I do this to move the agenda forward with a minimum of conflict. I just don’t like conflict - so I find ways to collaborate with people. I have always done it that way.”
I bit my tongue bloody as I listened in amazement to this colleague who is obviously a capable collaborative leader. I know this about her because I have participated in a setting where Dianna has effectively led the team (as Committee Chair) to accomplish amazing results in an all-volunteer setting. However, far too often we define leadership too narrowly. And I think that’s what she was doing. However, because she stated she didn’t like conflict, I did not seek at that moment to correct her (namely, that she is a leader).
But like Taylor Swift, if you talk to me, you may just end up in my song lyrics.
So roll the music. This is my take on Dianna’s qualities, by which she expresses leadership ability:
- Dianna knows herself well. Check.
- She knows her flat sides and admits them to herself (“I don’t like conflict”). Check.
- She has developed a strategy to lead in a way that plays to her strength: collaboration. Check.
- Dianna helps organize the team so the ball moves down the field. Check.
- She is an agent of change through her efforts and through the efforts of the team she leads. Check.
- The team Dianna leads accomplishes its stated mission year after year. Check.
- Every one of her peers on the committee respect her leadership of the team. Check.
OK. Need I say More? Is is clear to me that Dianna IS a leader. And that should be music to all of our ears.
Because my objective in relaying this story is to encourage each of us to lead in our respective sphere of influence. Just like Dianna has done, I believe that each of us can learn to lead through the gifts and skills that are consistent with how we are made. We can each be free to exercise our strengths and then simply allow others to fill in the gaps where we don’t feel the wind is naturally at our back.
And so, Diana, if you read this, please lead-on. Your example will continue to encourage each of us to do so as well.